Nursemom Confessions Part 5: Apply Your Own Oxygen Mask First
In this day and age many people for some reason want to be seen as the martyr. I work so hard, they say. I care for my family so well I barely have time for myself, they say...and they wear their lack of self-care and health like some sadistic badge of honor. You know 2 types of people who are the WORST at this??? Moms. Nurses. And I am both. I define myself with both titles, and know that I am part of not one, but two groups of women who pride themselves on the type of work that they take no breaks from (certainly not playing cards 😏 but I digress), that they pour themselves into 110%, leaving no room for themselves. Sometimes this is no room for things like bathroom breaks, snacks, or enough sleep. Other times it is more insidious (especially for mamas) and looks more like no time for you to do anything that you want or need to care for yourself. This might be reading a book you like, exercising, meditation, or getting your hair done. Too many well-intentioned mamas let their offspring just suck the life out of them without ever stopping to refill their own proverbial cup first.
Every flight you are ever on has the same directions of applying your own oxygen mask first before helping others. The directions do not say: apply your children's masks first, or the feeble elderly gentleman's mask first. They say APPLY YOUR OWN MASK FIRST. Why? Well, simply because we can't take care of others without caring first for ourselves. In the airplane sitch, if you lose consciousness due to hypoxia you surely won't be helping anyone else next, and now someone has to help your dumb butt. You've actually become a burden while trying to be a martyr. Hmm, let that sink in.
Moms, nurses (and I am sure many other professionals...definitely teachers too) no-one is going to tell you that you should have a good balance or it's time to grab a snack, or gee-Susie Honey, why don't you take 5? They just won't. Kids won't. Employers sure as heck won't. They will always demand more, and the more that you are willing to give an inch the more they will take. So don't. Be true to yourself and what matters to you. Take care of yourself. Case in point. I work weekends sometimes. They are shorter shifts and not a big deal overall-not even when I was full-time. But...I have made it a point at every nursing job I have had that I don't work weekends I have my kids. That still gives you 2 other weekends to work with. It was part of my hiring contract at urgent care in my first ever nursing job, and has always been part of my agreement with the clinic. Now...I have been a nurse for just under 3 years. I can't say that I have never worked a weekend with kids because sometimes their dad needs to trade weekends and I already had my schedule, or other nurses are on PTO, but I can tell you I have worked under 5 weekends as an RN when my boys were at home. Be firm about what you want that is self-care for you. If you hit rock bottom juggling all those proverbial balls in the air, now someone else has to pick up those pieces. So see? Not selfish at all. Caring for yourself is protecting others if you need to see it that way.
Why do we think it is selfish to take care of ourselves first? This is a great load of bull. It is not selfish. It is necessary. The better, happier, healthier person I am the better mom, nurse, wife, student I am. It's like a great, big rolling snowball. Happiness and health beget more happiness and health. What does this look like in all reality? I am glad you asked. This looks like my 5 sanity saving tips below. These are not rocket science people, and I am sure I am not the first to say them.
Have a tag out system. Overwhelmed at work or at home with kids? Have a co-worker or co-parent you can tag out with. Seriously...I am a triage RN. Some mom's mean well, but drive me nuts. I used to tag out with my co-worker and trade calls. I take her annoying task (or person) and she takes mine. The same work gets done, and gets done more compassionately. This particular gal has moved on, but I am "training" another for this. With my kiddos I help with homework A LOT. Especially with my Type A, perfectionistic older child. I am on duty for math, science, and writing/literature help. I don't usually mind except for when there are hours and hours of math, and I have to Google a lot to help...hahaha. But this means that I am figuratively drowning in homework if Isaiah needs help with spelling and Bible too. This is where Barrett comes in. Or big brother when his homework is done. I can't do it all. Sometimes I'm having a rough, just annoyed at everything day, and a discipline issue comes up. "Please handle," is all I need to say to Barrett, and he knows he can (and does) employ the exact same tag-out when he needs to. Single parents may need to get more creative using grandparents or friends, and solitary people at work-make some friends with co-workers. Have a tag-out system. Your sanity will thank you.
Step outside alone. There are 2 important parts to this tip. Spend time outside every single day despite the weather. There are so many health and mood benefits. Do it alone. This is for peace, quiet, 5 minutes of taking in God's creation. 5 minutes to clear your head. Here are some great benefits of time outside: 11 Scientific Benefits of Being Outside.
Take care of yourself physically. I have never enjoyed exercise, but I made a goal to myself that by the time I am done with this NP program I will also be in great health. What??? Bad timing you might think. You have every reason to slack you might think. Nope. I am jogging now with C25K 3 times a week, lifting weights 3 times a week, and trying to also incorporate yoga and hiking. Surprisingly, the more I do, the more I feel like doing, and the more I do the less I feel like eating like crap. It's win-win. Snowball effect here people. I realized I have no problem making my brain do marathons (Master's thesis, nursing school, NP school-anyone?), but I am SO lazy about fitness that I have let my weight creep then maintain, creep then maintain repeatedly so that I am about 20 lbs more than I want to be, and what's more, I get winded when I have to run to a code at work. Nope, nope, nope. Time to take the reins back. Make time for physical activity every day-even if it is just a 15 minute walk.
Get enough sleep. I know, I have said this before, but we all need to sleep. Duh. So many people though skimp in this area. You are hurting yourself in the long run in more ways than you know. Most adults need between 7-9 hours each night. Make sure that you get this, and you will feel worlds better. 10 Surprising Effects of Lack of Sleep.
Have a hobby. I know you're busy. So am I. I'm learning how to take care of patients and raising 2 humans, I get it. my husband is fortunately pretty independent, but I try to give him attention too 😉. I may be busy. School is not my hobby though. Work is not my hobby. Momming is not my hobby. Writing is. Reading is. Playing in paint is. Traveling is. Have things you do just for you. Ask yourself: what would you do with a free 12 hour day to yourself? Okay, how about 4 hours? Yes, I know we can't get that each week, but can you carve out a day a month or a half-day for something you want to do for you? When those kids grow up or that job goes away, what have you cultivated that you enjoy doing?
Every flight you are ever on has the same directions of applying your own oxygen mask first before helping others. The directions do not say: apply your children's masks first, or the feeble elderly gentleman's mask first. They say APPLY YOUR OWN MASK FIRST. Why? Well, simply because we can't take care of others without caring first for ourselves. In the airplane sitch, if you lose consciousness due to hypoxia you surely won't be helping anyone else next, and now someone has to help your dumb butt. You've actually become a burden while trying to be a martyr. Hmm, let that sink in.
Moms, nurses (and I am sure many other professionals...definitely teachers too) no-one is going to tell you that you should have a good balance or it's time to grab a snack, or gee-Susie Honey, why don't you take 5? They just won't. Kids won't. Employers sure as heck won't. They will always demand more, and the more that you are willing to give an inch the more they will take. So don't. Be true to yourself and what matters to you. Take care of yourself. Case in point. I work weekends sometimes. They are shorter shifts and not a big deal overall-not even when I was full-time. But...I have made it a point at every nursing job I have had that I don't work weekends I have my kids. That still gives you 2 other weekends to work with. It was part of my hiring contract at urgent care in my first ever nursing job, and has always been part of my agreement with the clinic. Now...I have been a nurse for just under 3 years. I can't say that I have never worked a weekend with kids because sometimes their dad needs to trade weekends and I already had my schedule, or other nurses are on PTO, but I can tell you I have worked under 5 weekends as an RN when my boys were at home. Be firm about what you want that is self-care for you. If you hit rock bottom juggling all those proverbial balls in the air, now someone else has to pick up those pieces. So see? Not selfish at all. Caring for yourself is protecting others if you need to see it that way.
Why do we think it is selfish to take care of ourselves first? This is a great load of bull. It is not selfish. It is necessary. The better, happier, healthier person I am the better mom, nurse, wife, student I am. It's like a great, big rolling snowball. Happiness and health beget more happiness and health. What does this look like in all reality? I am glad you asked. This looks like my 5 sanity saving tips below. These are not rocket science people, and I am sure I am not the first to say them.
Step outside alone. There are 2 important parts to this tip. Spend time outside every single day despite the weather. There are so many health and mood benefits. Do it alone. This is for peace, quiet, 5 minutes of taking in God's creation. 5 minutes to clear your head. Here are some great benefits of time outside: 11 Scientific Benefits of Being Outside.
Take care of yourself physically. I have never enjoyed exercise, but I made a goal to myself that by the time I am done with this NP program I will also be in great health. What??? Bad timing you might think. You have every reason to slack you might think. Nope. I am jogging now with C25K 3 times a week, lifting weights 3 times a week, and trying to also incorporate yoga and hiking. Surprisingly, the more I do, the more I feel like doing, and the more I do the less I feel like eating like crap. It's win-win. Snowball effect here people. I realized I have no problem making my brain do marathons (Master's thesis, nursing school, NP school-anyone?), but I am SO lazy about fitness that I have let my weight creep then maintain, creep then maintain repeatedly so that I am about 20 lbs more than I want to be, and what's more, I get winded when I have to run to a code at work. Nope, nope, nope. Time to take the reins back. Make time for physical activity every day-even if it is just a 15 minute walk.
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| Just me and the road. |
Get enough sleep. I know, I have said this before, but we all need to sleep. Duh. So many people though skimp in this area. You are hurting yourself in the long run in more ways than you know. Most adults need between 7-9 hours each night. Make sure that you get this, and you will feel worlds better. 10 Surprising Effects of Lack of Sleep.
Have a hobby. I know you're busy. So am I. I'm learning how to take care of patients and raising 2 humans, I get it. my husband is fortunately pretty independent, but I try to give him attention too 😉. I may be busy. School is not my hobby though. Work is not my hobby. Momming is not my hobby. Writing is. Reading is. Playing in paint is. Traveling is. Have things you do just for you. Ask yourself: what would you do with a free 12 hour day to yourself? Okay, how about 4 hours? Yes, I know we can't get that each week, but can you carve out a day a month or a half-day for something you want to do for you? When those kids grow up or that job goes away, what have you cultivated that you enjoy doing?
That's all for now. I am off to enjoy some yoga, take a bubble bath, and read. I jogged/walked thirty minutes this AM, and lifted weights. Yeah, I also have laundry and some light cleaning and an orthodontist appointment for Isaiah later (and I am sure lots of homework), but I am OFF of school for a few weeks, not at work today (though yes, I grabbed an extra shift next week) so I am treasuring that time for me. What can you do today or this week to carve out some time for your oxygen?
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