Nursemom Confessions Part 3-Avoid the Negative Nancys
As a busy mama, nurse, and student, I will admit that a fair amount of my social interaction comes from these 3 categories: social media friends and acquaintances, co-workers, and parents of my children's friends. Each category is VERY important for a busy gal to have. Parent friends matter (how else would we make it through marathon track meets, rainy and cold soccer games, and the annual choir and drama shows?). Co-workers, even with me working part time, see me approximately 18-20 hours a week...that's a lot. Social media friends are always there to cheer you on and lend advice. All friends are great..or are they??
Today's confession is that in order to succeed, Negative Nancys must be avoided at all costs. These are the people that say things that may be overt or implied that you are taking on too much and likely will (inevitably) fail. How do you spot a Negative Nancy? They say things like:
**Now, let me break down these comments and respond. Some are not all bad, but pay close attention.
"I could never do what you do." : actually, I am really jealous in some ways, and I think you shouldn't try so hard because you are making us all look bad. OR I have low self-esteem and want you to build me up. I can deal with the second better than the first, and love to build others up, but at the end of the day only you decide what you are worth.
"How will you ever keep up?": I think you are going to crash and burn OR I am exhausted watching you, but go girl!
"When do you see your kids?": Smile. Reply: "You know, funnily enough they still call me Mom, so I must be doing something right." Not even worth explaining.
"That's a heavy load.": I think you will fail. Your response: "Yep. It is." Smile, move on.
"Are you getting enough rest?": Okay this could be a well meaning friend implying you need to slow down a little. Possibly warranted and friendly. OR it could be an implication that you are letting yourself go in order to study. Just smile and walk away quickly, in your old leggings-you are made for speed! Or my favorite line is "I could use more rest, but I will sleep when I am dead!" ---I actually sleep plenty (see confession #1...but just saying).
In person, just nod, smile and change the subject. Doing this enough times will let others know that yes, you've got this, and their negativity is not needed nor even taken into consideration. Sometimes you may feel like that kitten on the branch poster, hanging on for dear life. You know that one right? I think it was in every classroom circa 1980-2000. BUT, you are still hanging onto that branch, so you got this.
Sometimes it is honestly harder online. Can't you just unfriend and block and un-follow people? ABSOLUTELY, but sometimes you need access to helpful content. Case in point. I am part of a FB group for all students at all levels in my grad program. It has proved immensely useful for advice, knowing what to expect, shared flashcards, cheap textbooks, etc. I have gotten professor recommendations and some great help on the forum there. It is like a HUGE group of students who all have the same goals and want you to succeed.
Except when it isn't. Except the negative people who comment on your questions or others (when you learn to not post there often) that ALWAYS have something negative to say. "That class is awful." "Hardly anyone passes." "No one can do it with that schedule." "You can't work and do this." Basically, at least once every few hours some poor poster looking for advice is bombarded with negativity, and made to feel that the ONLY way they will ever pass this program is to quit their job, marry a millionaire to pay for school, and give their kids away. Maybe this program is really tough for those advice-givers. It IS a tough program, BUT there are loads of success stories of busy, working, mamas and dads who have finished and passed the board certification process. I want to post on every single questioning student's ask: you can do this too. Look to the people who have gone before you and succeeded. Luckily many alumni post too, and that helps. But you really have to weed out the crap.
Success is what you make it. BIG dreams are possible, but if you think something will be failed by you...you are probably right. Set yourself up for success and ignore with an iron constitution those who aren't going to encourage and empower you. Never be the smartest person in a room, and if you are...change rooms. Life is not a competition, I want us all to do well, but if you don't want the same for me... kindly get out of my way.
Today's confession is that in order to succeed, Negative Nancys must be avoided at all costs. These are the people that say things that may be overt or implied that you are taking on too much and likely will (inevitably) fail. How do you spot a Negative Nancy? They say things like:
**Now, let me break down these comments and respond. Some are not all bad, but pay close attention.
"I could never do what you do." : actually, I am really jealous in some ways, and I think you shouldn't try so hard because you are making us all look bad. OR I have low self-esteem and want you to build me up. I can deal with the second better than the first, and love to build others up, but at the end of the day only you decide what you are worth.
"How will you ever keep up?": I think you are going to crash and burn OR I am exhausted watching you, but go girl!
"When do you see your kids?": Smile. Reply: "You know, funnily enough they still call me Mom, so I must be doing something right." Not even worth explaining.
"That's a heavy load.": I think you will fail. Your response: "Yep. It is." Smile, move on.
"Are you getting enough rest?": Okay this could be a well meaning friend implying you need to slow down a little. Possibly warranted and friendly. OR it could be an implication that you are letting yourself go in order to study. Just smile and walk away quickly, in your old leggings-you are made for speed! Or my favorite line is "I could use more rest, but I will sleep when I am dead!" ---I actually sleep plenty (see confession #1...but just saying).
In person, just nod, smile and change the subject. Doing this enough times will let others know that yes, you've got this, and their negativity is not needed nor even taken into consideration. Sometimes you may feel like that kitten on the branch poster, hanging on for dear life. You know that one right? I think it was in every classroom circa 1980-2000. BUT, you are still hanging onto that branch, so you got this.
Sometimes it is honestly harder online. Can't you just unfriend and block and un-follow people? ABSOLUTELY, but sometimes you need access to helpful content. Case in point. I am part of a FB group for all students at all levels in my grad program. It has proved immensely useful for advice, knowing what to expect, shared flashcards, cheap textbooks, etc. I have gotten professor recommendations and some great help on the forum there. It is like a HUGE group of students who all have the same goals and want you to succeed.
Except when it isn't. Except the negative people who comment on your questions or others (when you learn to not post there often) that ALWAYS have something negative to say. "That class is awful." "Hardly anyone passes." "No one can do it with that schedule." "You can't work and do this." Basically, at least once every few hours some poor poster looking for advice is bombarded with negativity, and made to feel that the ONLY way they will ever pass this program is to quit their job, marry a millionaire to pay for school, and give their kids away. Maybe this program is really tough for those advice-givers. It IS a tough program, BUT there are loads of success stories of busy, working, mamas and dads who have finished and passed the board certification process. I want to post on every single questioning student's ask: you can do this too. Look to the people who have gone before you and succeeded. Luckily many alumni post too, and that helps. But you really have to weed out the crap.
Success is what you make it. BIG dreams are possible, but if you think something will be failed by you...you are probably right. Set yourself up for success and ignore with an iron constitution those who aren't going to encourage and empower you. Never be the smartest person in a room, and if you are...change rooms. Life is not a competition, I want us all to do well, but if you don't want the same for me... kindly get out of my way.
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