When the Finish Line is Crossed

 Back in February I wrote a post that many of you read titled To What Comes Next that you can check out if you missed it. I was almost done with my NP program and had announced I accepted a position to work in Annual Medicare Wellness-housed in Family Medicine, in Albany. This remains true. I am excited to start in October, the week after I attend a Washington, DC and New York trip (I FINALLY get to see NY!) with Isaiah and classmates.  

---------Side Note: It’s a good thing that this blog is not monetized and does not depend on me regularly posting content, though I am attempting a revamp including a series called Sarah Says with my book and product recommendations as well as deeper posts regarding personality and choosing one's own path, and authenticity as a woman-things I am always working on. About a decade ago when I was first leaving teaching for nursing… Has it been that long???… I had a marvelous blog or at least I thought so. Cadavers and Coffee. As if that name wouldn’t catch you from the start. I posted to it almost daily and garnered a following that made me pretty happy. It was retired years ago and on the heel of some pretty nasty comments after I shared about my divorce (I have since learned the lesson of comment moderation). I love to write, I really do. I mostly like to write about whatever is going on in my life at the time so sometimes if you’re not interested in me personally maybe you won’t be so interested in my writing and that’s totally OK. I’m hoping to give this blog a little more steam and to write a little more regularly. If I post something you like please share it with friends but don’t feel obligated. If you are my friends, don’t feel obligated to read either. As I have said before, I mostly write to get my feelings out and because I enjoy it not because of any dreams of mass popularity. With that all out of the way what in the world have I been up to lately?--------------------------------

Well, many of you know I completed my family nurse practitioner program in April, earning my Masters of Science in Nursing. I sat for my national board certification at the end of May after taking about a month to study and passed it. Now I wait. The interminable waiting game between finishing school, taking boards, and actually becoming  licensed/certified/credentialed. Aren’t they the same thing you might ask? No. In order to be certified as a nurse practitioner you have to pass a national board certification exam. I have done that but then the National certifying body has to basically communicate with my school and get my completed transcripts and even though I finished at the end of April my transcripts and degree did not confer until last week so we have to wait for that information to make its way over to the national board certification office. Once certified I can be licensed. This means I apply with the Oregon State Board of Nursing where I am licensed as a registered nurse and apply for my APRN or advanced practice registered nurse/family nurse practitioner license. Once licensed the credentialing part begins. It is already somewhat in progress with my employer as you can fill out some of the giant packet (seriously huge like you’re buying a home) while waiting all of this other information. Credentialing essentially means that insurance companies will recognize you and pay you through your employer. Or pay your employer and then you get paid. Regardless, you cannot actually work as a nurse practitioner at least not for a decent sized corporation or billing insurance at all until you have this piece. My employer wanted me to be licensed by early June. Since my degree did not even confer until last week I let them know that was pretty impossible but we are working on it. Hopefully by mid to the end of the month I will be licensed. Most people think you finish the program and then can start working as a nurse practitioner if you have a job lined up. That’s not the case. I have had a job lined up since February which I’m very grateful for, but I will not start it until the second week of October. All of these things take a tremendous amount of time, especially the insurance credentialing part. Essentially you end up finishing nurse practitioner school and then continuing to work as a registered nurse for anywhere from 4 to 6 months honestly or longer before you start working as a nurse practitioner. Mind you, I am going off of the guidelines in my state of Oregon which are slightly different in other states. WHEW!!! All of that explained (and if your eyes were glazing over I GET IT, as mine do as well and I have to navigate this stuff)-let's move along.

Once I completed school in April all of my studying energy and time available from not being in classes and clinical anymore was spent studying for my boards. When I passed those on May 24th, everything kind of came to an abrupt halt. No new job to start quite yet, continued part-time hours as an RN through early fall-in some ways I don't even know what to do with myself. I have been running this excruciatingly long marathon to become a nurse practitioner prior to even starting nursing school in 2014 (as this was the eventual goal) and now I have crossed the finish line. I am elated, excited, and in some ways, utterly lost. I once read an article about this elite mountain climber who upon completing the summit of K2, after years of training for this, surveyed the view below and felt 2 things: accomplished and completely adrift. He wrote about how upon reaching this pinnacle (literally) he was then unsure of what to strive for next, how we all need goals to work toward, and how in some ways he was grieving his accomplishment. Does that sound INSANE? I have to tell you, I read it aloud to Barrett and then fell silent. This is me. I strive, I pursue, I work hard. B tells me I am like a little, stubborn, bulldog with my eyes on a bone. 

I will spend the summer exploring these feelings and journaling, praying, and seeking what the next steps are for me. Realistically the next steps are for me to now do the thing that I have been training for, to work as an NP and continue to learn my skill. So for now that is the plan, but I know there are other things I want to pursue at some point-some serious and some not. I want to write. I want to teach nurses eventually. I want to learn piano, and watercolor painting, and photography. I want to deepen my yoga practice and learn meditation. I want to learn to stand-up paddle board. I want to volunteer time and energy with teens. I want to learn more about mental health. I also want to relax and breathe. For as driven as I can be, I also recognize I am BURNT OUT. I drag myself to work the few days I am there despite feelings of wanting to be anywhere else. I luxuriate with books, plant our garden, soak up the sun, snuggle on the couch. Perhaps this season is the season I rest before I even think of any more finish lines to set my eyes upon.