Sarah Who Wanders...

I sit on our flight back right now, travel magazine in my lap, husband next to me, and the Arctic Islands below out the plane window. I am ever so grateful for the journey we just made and the way that it has filled my heart. I will never forget those brief but oh so memorable five days we just spent in Dublin and Northern Ireland.  I don't feel my words can do justice to the power I felt of the churning Atlantic many, many (1,972 to be exact) feet below at Slieve League, nor the spirituality felt in the giant, historic cathedrals. My favorite was St. Eunan's in Letterkenny, which was built in 1890. Giant's Causeway felt otherworldly as I looked at the strange, hexagonal rocks and the tumultuous surf feeling its misty spray.  Inch Abbey humbled me with the sheer age of the ruins. We explored all alone and I felt as if at any moment we could be time travelers, experiencing the monastery in all its glory. Our bus tour of Dublin made me giggle as the driver told of the ...

The scene is and has been utter chaos since the second I woke up with my sweet husband bringing our near 100 lbs shepherd "puppy" to wake me. Stumble out of bed, gather enough eggs to feed a small army (aka my family of 4 with two growing boys), turn on the burner. I have been up just 1.5 hours and I have made breakfast, organized and arranged all of each kid's school fundraiser packets taking pictures of what was ordered and putting checks dutifully in each envelope which involved "covering" a few family members and coordinating with father of the spawn for his orders. I have done room checks to ensure my spawn are not living like the slobs they would be if I did not enforce said checks every few days (because we should all have a multitude of string cheese wrappers and sports paraphernalia in every crevice).  I have re-stocked the toilet paper in each bathroom since apparently I am the only one who thinks of this even though I am only 1/4 of the butts in the...

Sometimes I think I am a rare creature. I have friends, but few close ones, and I often feel very misunderstood. I don't mean that in a woe is me-I need sympathy way, because I am fine being misunderstood. It is more a statement of fact. I have NEVER felt as though I have fit in. I have always felt like an outsider for as long as I can remember. Does that surprise you?  I was the shy bookworm in my early years. I even hid from family members. I was the outgoing queen bee in junior high because that is what people like, but craving alone time to recharge. I had a million good acquaintances but few actual friends in high school, being both very nerdily intelligent as well as a drama and choir kid, still shy but often mistaken as aloof, and boy crazy. What a combination!   I always felt more at home with adults than peers (only child thing), and sadly, I remember hiding things such as my IQ score when we tested in school psych class (I am in the top 5% if you believe in ...

In 6 days I will be the mom of a teenager. Everyone always says that time is but a blink of an eye. That time goes so fast. It does, and it doesn't all at once. I remember vividly the day that Matthew was born. Emergency C-section at 34 1/2 weeks. It was a Monday, and I remember that because the day before I was at church, singing my heart out to hymns, and he was tumbling all around his cramped living space. The next day he moved not at all. I went to work (I worked at a dental office back then), and I had some light spotting. I was concerned enough to call my OBGYN office, and we planned to have me seen after work. Long story short, as many of you have heard it before, Matthew did not move again all day, nor later at my appointment despite countless efforts to elicit a response-movement/positional changes, sugar, shock. Nothing. I would love to say that I remember his first breaths, but he came out not breathing at all. His first breaths were delivered via ambu-bag by his fat...

I thought I would write a short little post to update you all on how this dual living thing with my parents is actually going now that each family has their own space. It seemed like such a long journey to get here, but we have been in the house (new portion) for a few months now as all the final touches have been getting finished up. Before the addition, we had 4 adults, 2 kids, and 3 dogs sharing 2300 square feet (which doesn't seem too bad), and our family of 4 was crammed into 2 bedrooms. We had all of our things stored in the garage/shop, and shared the living rooms and kitchen as well as the laundry room. Barrett had set up his office in the garage amidst boxes and boxes of stuff. It was doable, but it was a tight squeeze and we were often at odds about who was going to use the kitchen or the laundry, who was in charge of cleaning what, etc. Barrett was constantly interrupted while working by a flow a traffic through the garage as that is one of the main exits my parents us...

A little less than two months to wait to find out if I am in the program I am applying to. Every day I doubt. Every day I question myself. Is this what I really want? Will I be good at it? Is this the plan for me? Is the cost worth it? Is the time studying worth it? Do I want to specialize so much? Can I really help people? As I sit here with one of my favorite dinners ever (pad Thai, coconut shrimp, spring rolls, and Thai iced tea), I ponder how much to share and vent. Super moment of honesty here (but don't hold it against me...?): I've been looking around at other jobs lately. I’ve been very bored by mine. I love the people I work with, but not necessarily the job I do. And yet… I am here for some reason. I applied to six other jobs and I prayed hard. I figured I could at least interview and see what I thought, and I don't HATE my job so it'd have to be a good deal to leave.  I prayed that if this was not the route I was supposed to take that God would close thos...

Whoever says that building a house is fun, obviously has never built a house. As I touched up paint for what felt like the millionth time today I said to Barrett, "We are NEVER doing this again." I thought about it for a minute because I will be the first to admit that I have no idea what our future holds, so I amended, "If we ever do this again, we will NOT paint, shelve, trim. We will do nothing ourselves. We will simply write a check and tell some lovely people our preferences." Barrett laughed, and agreed. Seriously though, this past year has been ROUGH at times, heartbreaking at others, and always full of tremendous blessing. We get that, we really do. I would like to think that building a house is a bit like being a 3 year hold handing a stick figure idea to a professional. You get a never-ending stream of reality served to you daily. Those grand ideas? Think a bit smaller. You will hear (repeatedly): "We can't do that on your budget." ...