Finding Happiness Part 1

I began writing this post and a series of others back in January about happiness, but I was on a self-imposed (and much needed) social media break, so I hadn't shared these thoughts yet. 

In January I read a book that really got me thinking (actually I read LOTS of books- up to 33 this year!) called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I really enjoyed this book which was a look at the resolutions and changes the author made in a plan to be happier. It involved lots of self- assessment, trial and error, and sometimes just plain fun. I recommend the book (you can borrow my copy), and I also recommend The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. Yes, it is in your face and uses profanity, but it is actually such a great book, and it isn't about not caring, it's about using your energy to care about only the things that really matter. Highly recommend. I will likely re-read, and that is saying a lot. You may not borrow that one-you'll want your own copy. Anyhow, off my rabbit trail and back to the main path.

I began to ask myself, am I happy? I am not unhappy...but surely I could be happier in my daily life. Often the author mentions learning about and knowing herself and when she decides to "just be Gretchen." In one example she states that we can aspire to many things, but some things are simply just not a good fit. I will likely never run a marathon, because I HATE to run.  I could try, but it is okay that this is simply "not Sarah."  I am okay with this (and you runners who have tried for years to get me to join you...I am truly happy you like it, but not for me). Now...a Harry Potter marathon? Count me in!

I have been giving some good thought to what just "being Sarah" means to me. As you all may know, I married at 18. After 10 tumult filled years (but 2 beautiful children later), I separated at 27, and divorced at 28 having never really been an adult on my own. I fell in love a lot sooner than "planned" and remarried again within that same year (age 28). Luckily Barrett encourages me finding myself along the way here as I never really took the time to do before.

 In The Happiness Project the author talks a lot about how we can try to do better, and make a better life for ourselves, but we cannot completely change our own nature (see marathon example above).  We cannot really help the things that we like or dislike, though we can expose ourselves to new things and experiences and learn more about ourselves that way, perhaps even come up with some new likes. These things we cannot change are fundamental truths if you will, about who we are. I began by making a few lists I will share below. I encourage you to make your own as well and share them with me (or keep them private-you do you).

Things I Like: 

• Oceans, especially turquoise colored, warm ones, but all are great!
• dogs. I smile whenever I see one. Cats too, but dogs are better IMO.
  
• trees, especially oaks covered in moss
• books and old bookstores
• coffee/tea
• rain/snow/wind/storms
• movies that make me think
• live concerts, plays, ballets
• sunsets
• blown glass
• colors: aqua, mint, teal, copper, rust, orange are among my favorites
• fresh cut flowers
• pumpkin fields in October
• starry nights, and especially meteor showers
• autumn leaves and brisk air
• sweaters and boots (can you tell I am a Fall natural?)
• solitude
• walks out in nature
• some art and some music, though I find I can appreciate most even when it isn't "me"
• salt-water fish
• new places
• lazy, weekend mornings where I can sit in PJs with coffee for hours
• classic sports cars (Barracuda, Mustang, Chevelle...)
• forests full of moss and ferns
• waterfalls

  

  Actual AMAZING beach in Aruba, Eagle Beach (not my photo)

Things I Dislike: 

• spiders
• celery
  
• not having enough time to myself or time to think
• too hot weather
• sweating
• running
• water on my face (this is okay once submerged like when swimming, but I use a hand towel in shower)
• big crowds
• noise
• white walls
• unpainted fingernails (on me. Again you do you.)
• loud chewing
• people who sigh when using public restrooms (I mean, is this necessary?)
• big city driving (I kind of hate driving most of the time unless country roads)
• clutter
• being too busy
• strong smells (tire stores, perfumes, colognes, diesel)
• pushy people...can we just be nice?
• getting up too early (fundamental Sarah truth right here)
• being hungry-and yes, I get HANGRY
• people who talk on the phone while at check-outs in stores (It can wait)

Things I Enjoy Doing: 

• writing
• reading
• singing
• painting
• decorating
• photography
• traveling
• snorkeling
• spending time with family
• spending time with animals
• doing gentle yoga stretches
• thinking quietly/meditating (at least, I am trying...my mind is SO busy!) Think about nothing. Okay...I am thinking about thinking about nothing. Oh no! This is thinking about something...
  
• playing board games
• boating
• low-impact hiking (read non-sweaty)/nature walking
• eating (though not cooking)
• sometimes baking
• Eating...so I have to watch this!! You know to stay healthy and what not.  Oh my, I seriously put this twice. Without meaning to! Now it has to stay :) 

I would like to try: 

• pottery
• kayaking more (have a few times)
• scuba diving
• ballroom dancing
• attending an opera and a symphony
• community theater (acting)
• playing piano
• gardening
• improving/learning Spanish and Italian

I wonder how many of these things you have in common with me? Life may not be long enough to do them all, but it is nice to have a focused list of sorts. Another thing that got me thinking was reading about discovering passion.
The things we are passionate about are often the things we read about, learn about, and study without being asked.
Profound thought! I read about all things psychology: personality, parenting, relationships, trauma and the brain, teen years, suicide, and happiness. I also read about travel, design, and use of pets in therapy. These are things that interest me along with fictional books in the fantasy, suspense, or realistic fiction genres.

So far, I have discovered a few fundamental truths about myself, and they are below.

• I will never get up earlier than 5:15 AM unless there is a plane to catch! (or I guess if I worked an entirely different shift as a nurse and HAD to). Just can't motivate myself enough to do it. I like and need my sleep. Best time to exercise for me is early afternoon/lunch time at work, and I can do up to 20 minutes before I shower in AM, but more is really a stretch!
• I will never like to run, and HATE being sweaty.  
• I need quiet when I get myself ready for the day. Please don't talk to me when I am getting ready, haha!
• Being alone with time for my thoughts refreshes me.
• I love soaking up the sun (as long as I am not sweaty, yes-this is really a thing for me)
• I hate dirty hands, wet hands, sticky hands (eww). I am not a germaphobe, I just hate the feel of things on my hands! 
  
• I care. A lot. Often too much. More than you think I do. I genuinely want to listen and to help as much as I can even if I come off aloof at times (I know I do, but it is actually just my introversion).
• I can be SUPER outgoing with people I am comfortable with, say anything, and have a great time.
• I will always believe in God, faith, and miracles. I will talk to you anytime about what I believe. I will pray for you if asked (and often when not), but I will never push my faith onto you. I believe in science and medicine too. They can certainly co-exist. In my field I definitely see it. I believe our existence is much bigger than I can comprehend, and I come nowhere close to having all the answers.
• I overshare. I am working on this...ish.  Finding a balance. Keeping my time private and not over-extending is more valued by me than keeping myself private. Make sense?  I really am not a super private person and am an open book. This is a weird thing about an INFJ (my personality type), but this is ME, a walking contradiction of sorts. More on that later.
  
• The older I get the less I care about impressing people and the more I care about being authentic.  So, read the open book, or pick up a different one.

What is YOUR truth? 

Join me later this week for more thoughts on happiness and authenticity, and wish me luck with the meditation ;)!