8 Life Lessons at 38
I was feeling a bit reflective today, and thought that I would write about things that it took me THIS long to figure out.
1. We are all a work in progress.
Read that again. No one, not the famous NFL player, not the doctor you highly respect, not Bill Gates...has been at a spot where they felt they were 100% done growing. There is no end. There are goals and milestones that we work to reach, and then we set new goals. We are ever changing and ever learning, as we should be. You will never ARRIVE, so enjoy the journey.
2. Always choose love.
Love can break your heart, sobbing, ugly, can't breathe pain, especially when that love is lost. But love is beautiful and makes life worth loving. Never ever hold back to "protect yourself." Love that man, woman, child, patient, pet, grandparent, parent, friend with everything you have for as long as you get to. Yes, they may not return the love. They will even someday die. But even in the small things I would 100% rather be the nurse who cries with her patient's parents than the one who doesn't let feelings touch me. I choose to love richly and deeply.
3. Have the children. Or not. You do you.
I never thought I would love being a mom as much as I do. That I would be the mom who cries hearing my sons sing, who cheers on every sport, who loves lazy days with them, but I do. They own such HUGE pieces of my heart. But parenting isn't for everyone, and that is ok too. Stand behind your decision after giving it careful thought, because unlike math tests, there is more than one correct answer. One caveat: those who do not have the children do not get to judge and advise those who do and vice versa. Act with love.
4. Learn to say no (graciously).
There are SO SO many things I want to say yes to. Worthy causes. Time volunteering at church, at school. Committees at work. But every time you say yes to something you are effectively saying no to something else. You cannot be at ALL THE THINGS, so you must choose and guard your yeses carefully, otherwise you end up being a burnt out lump who might do many cool things but you secretly resent them all. Honestly, I would make myself sick. Time and time again. Work or study or volunteer through migraines and diarrhea (TMI?), and head colds. I would say YES to even more things when my mind and nerves were already completely frayed. This all goes under self-care-take the time out. Simplify your life as needed and don't say yes all the time.
5. Own your faith as the individual you are.
This doesn't mean I am saying you MUST believe the way I do or that you must do things a certain way. The opposite in fact. Just because I attend XYZ church does not mean I have to agree with 100% of their teachings or attend 100% of their events. I am such an all or nothing person that I have struggled a lot with this. Guilt if I say no to helping. Guilt if I stay home a few Sundays because I NEED the rest. No more. My heart is good and it needs work (see #1), but I know what I believe and I also know that sometimes well-meaning people ask too much (see #4).
6. Just Go.
Want to see the world? GO. Do it. Set the money aside and get on a plane or in a car or on a train. You. Will. Not. Regret. It. Every trip I have been on has taught me something about who I am and what I love and appreciate. Every trip, no matter how amazing, has made me thankful to return home. Every trip has humbled me. Not a world traveler? That's ok! Go see your town and your state. Seek out all the ghost towns, waterfalls, or saloons. Every time we see other places our minds expand, our curiosity is triggered, and we grow.
7. Eat the Darn Cake.
Last year I lost 21 lbs. I am so glad I did. It was difficult, and I hated the journey, but I learned a lot about some bad habits I had and how to improve them. BUT...we are not meant to never enjoy the cake, cheese platter, french bread, and donuts. We just aren't meant to enjoy them every single day in large quantities. I have learned that baking is a calm, creative place for me so I have been experimenting with French macarons. Yes, I eat 1-2 when I make a batch, but not all of them. Sacred yeses apply here. I am a cheese fanatic, which means I may say no to the cake, but yes to the cheese ball. Enjoy your cake or whatever food pleases you...in moderation.
8. Be 100% YOU.
Last year I worked on being more vulnerable and authentic. I am learning this is a way of life. I want people to know the real me, even the bits that I may not like. So I will share a few "weird" Sarah facts here. I am a nervous, stressy driver. If you ask me to drive you to a big city, and I actually say yes, know that this is so, so far outside my comfort zone. I don't feel safe on bicycles. Never have. I am a documentary nerd and love science, nature and health documentaries. I read insanely fast. Like insanely. 800+ words per minute. Yes, this helps me with school and work. I have always been embarrassed by it and pretended to read things while classmates were still reading. I am highly intuitive when I am paying attention-I know how you feel before you say it and I can often "feel" your mood (which is exhausting)...so when I am blocking this out (not paying attention) I can come across as very aloof, in my own world, tunnel-vision. Yes, I have moments of both throughout every day. Those are just a few things. BE authentic. If people don't like it, find other people. Who wants friends that don't really know you? Plus authenticity and vulnerability encourage others to do the same.
Anything you would add?
1. We are all a work in progress.
Read that again. No one, not the famous NFL player, not the doctor you highly respect, not Bill Gates...has been at a spot where they felt they were 100% done growing. There is no end. There are goals and milestones that we work to reach, and then we set new goals. We are ever changing and ever learning, as we should be. You will never ARRIVE, so enjoy the journey.
2. Always choose love.
Love can break your heart, sobbing, ugly, can't breathe pain, especially when that love is lost. But love is beautiful and makes life worth loving. Never ever hold back to "protect yourself." Love that man, woman, child, patient, pet, grandparent, parent, friend with everything you have for as long as you get to. Yes, they may not return the love. They will even someday die. But even in the small things I would 100% rather be the nurse who cries with her patient's parents than the one who doesn't let feelings touch me. I choose to love richly and deeply.
3. Have the children. Or not. You do you.
I never thought I would love being a mom as much as I do. That I would be the mom who cries hearing my sons sing, who cheers on every sport, who loves lazy days with them, but I do. They own such HUGE pieces of my heart. But parenting isn't for everyone, and that is ok too. Stand behind your decision after giving it careful thought, because unlike math tests, there is more than one correct answer. One caveat: those who do not have the children do not get to judge and advise those who do and vice versa. Act with love.
4. Learn to say no (graciously).
There are SO SO many things I want to say yes to. Worthy causes. Time volunteering at church, at school. Committees at work. But every time you say yes to something you are effectively saying no to something else. You cannot be at ALL THE THINGS, so you must choose and guard your yeses carefully, otherwise you end up being a burnt out lump who might do many cool things but you secretly resent them all. Honestly, I would make myself sick. Time and time again. Work or study or volunteer through migraines and diarrhea (TMI?), and head colds. I would say YES to even more things when my mind and nerves were already completely frayed. This all goes under self-care-take the time out. Simplify your life as needed and don't say yes all the time.
5. Own your faith as the individual you are.
This doesn't mean I am saying you MUST believe the way I do or that you must do things a certain way. The opposite in fact. Just because I attend XYZ church does not mean I have to agree with 100% of their teachings or attend 100% of their events. I am such an all or nothing person that I have struggled a lot with this. Guilt if I say no to helping. Guilt if I stay home a few Sundays because I NEED the rest. No more. My heart is good and it needs work (see #1), but I know what I believe and I also know that sometimes well-meaning people ask too much (see #4).
6. Just Go.
Want to see the world? GO. Do it. Set the money aside and get on a plane or in a car or on a train. You. Will. Not. Regret. It. Every trip I have been on has taught me something about who I am and what I love and appreciate. Every trip, no matter how amazing, has made me thankful to return home. Every trip has humbled me. Not a world traveler? That's ok! Go see your town and your state. Seek out all the ghost towns, waterfalls, or saloons. Every time we see other places our minds expand, our curiosity is triggered, and we grow.
7. Eat the Darn Cake.
Last year I lost 21 lbs. I am so glad I did. It was difficult, and I hated the journey, but I learned a lot about some bad habits I had and how to improve them. BUT...we are not meant to never enjoy the cake, cheese platter, french bread, and donuts. We just aren't meant to enjoy them every single day in large quantities. I have learned that baking is a calm, creative place for me so I have been experimenting with French macarons. Yes, I eat 1-2 when I make a batch, but not all of them. Sacred yeses apply here. I am a cheese fanatic, which means I may say no to the cake, but yes to the cheese ball. Enjoy your cake or whatever food pleases you...in moderation.
8. Be 100% YOU.
Last year I worked on being more vulnerable and authentic. I am learning this is a way of life. I want people to know the real me, even the bits that I may not like. So I will share a few "weird" Sarah facts here. I am a nervous, stressy driver. If you ask me to drive you to a big city, and I actually say yes, know that this is so, so far outside my comfort zone. I don't feel safe on bicycles. Never have. I am a documentary nerd and love science, nature and health documentaries. I read insanely fast. Like insanely. 800+ words per minute. Yes, this helps me with school and work. I have always been embarrassed by it and pretended to read things while classmates were still reading. I am highly intuitive when I am paying attention-I know how you feel before you say it and I can often "feel" your mood (which is exhausting)...so when I am blocking this out (not paying attention) I can come across as very aloof, in my own world, tunnel-vision. Yes, I have moments of both throughout every day. Those are just a few things. BE authentic. If people don't like it, find other people. Who wants friends that don't really know you? Plus authenticity and vulnerability encourage others to do the same.
Anything you would add?
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