When it’s Harder Than You Imagined

You guys. After working my tush off to be where I’m at: getting through nursing school, securing experience and letters of recommendation from doctors, hours and hours of studying... I almost quit nurse practitioner school. I can’t even believe I’m writing that. I’d had a really rough few weeks about a week ago or so which was exacerbated by a new med for me for migraine prevention that shouldn’t have had bad side effects but did...anyone else experience that with propranolol?? It made me sad and fatigued-quite frankly mirroring depression symptoms and calmed my anxiety to where I felt numb about everything. It was just recently that I discovered my anxiety actually helps me. It’s just enough. It’s not soul crushing inactivity provoking, but just enough adrenaline that boosts me forward.  I had a very hard exam, was doubting myself so much, was overwhelmed but uncaring (not a good combination). I was hating every second of school, even though I mainly liked it a few weeks ago despite being tough and time consuming. Long story short, I talked it out with my hubby, a friend at work, relaxed a bit, exercised and discontinued the med, and guess what??!! Success was right around the corner and I feel amazing.

Hardest exam of my life to this point I thought I’d failed and got a 94%. Then I found out my work is giving me a scholarship (small but still immensely helpful) to continue my schooling!!

So often we see success but not the thousand times we fall, fail or want to quit. Ladies, keep going. Success isn’t pretty. It’s ugly hot tears, it’s getting out of bed when you feel like it’s quicksand pulling you back, it’s studying when you’d rather do anything else, and it’s regrouping, refreshing and then getting back to work. It’s also knowing yourself. It took me a month of feeling crappy to finally ask myself what changed?? I knew it wasn’t like me at all to not care about getting up, hanging with my family, going to a job I like, and performing well in school.

I am on a quest to be more authentic in my life. My life and path is by no means perfect and I have and do struggle plenty, but it’s a darn good life.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Travel Bucket List Accomplished

Pura Vida in Costa Rica

Sarah Who Wanders -Travel Series Part 1: Introduction