What if I Don't Want to be a Shoe?
I don't have much figured out, but I DID book our surprise trip-so there's that! I am an emotional train-wreck these days-waiting to hear about school nurse position, trying to decide if I am offered what offer I will accept...if I should quit school, if I should quit work? I have been talking to a lot of people, family and strangers (getting completely objective opinions always helps). Some of the advice is confusing, some great. People mean well.
"You should be an occupational therapist." Umm thanks. I think I will stick to the multiple career fields I am already considering. 😏 I mean, if we are honest here, school counseling or social work would've probably been the best fits.
"If you aren't happy at your current job, just quit. Another door will open." Bills happen though, you know?
"Teach nursing."
"Teach nursing."
"Have you thought about teaching nursing?"
"Hey, you should teach nursing." LOL. I understand this is a popular thought as it combines teaching and nursing, but isn't really the population I want to work with, and still involves getting a 2nd Master's degree.
I would like to point out that not ONE person I have chatted with, emailed with, whatever has said "you should go back to teaching." I find that interesting. I am not offended, just interested in the perceived respect given to nurses but not teachers. It's okay to set aside my teaching degree (which took years longer to obtain) but not my RN license. Also, many people have told me to just find a job I like somewhat better and continue NP school. I get it. Money, prestige, I mean "you got in"-etc, but I am trying mostly to be authentic to ME, which may have very little to do with money or prestige, and schools are out to make money too, so yeah, I had good enough grades to get in...so they can take my money! 😎
Here are some thoughts I have had, in no particular, sense-making order.
I left teaching after 5 years in and a bitter divorce, and decided to pursue something for me when I got back on my feet and I married an amazing man: nursing. I had always thought I wanted to be an RN or NP, but had to finish college through night school, so I became an educator instead. Now I am embarrassed and ashamed that nursing is far from everything I thought it would be, and that I actually enjoyed teaching much more. Now, I have no creative outlet (I miss that a lot, and the autonomy) and my anxiety is through the roof. I paste on a smile and do a good job-I am told I am a good nurse, but I cry in private all the time and dread going to work the past few months. I am not saying I should throw in the towel...just stating facts.
Other things I explored, journal-ed about:
Values: time with family, helping others, creativity, faith, making a difference, resilience, stability, learning, growth, adventure, appreciation of beauty and excellence
"You should be an occupational therapist." Umm thanks. I think I will stick to the multiple career fields I am already considering. 😏 I mean, if we are honest here, school counseling or social work would've probably been the best fits.
"If you aren't happy at your current job, just quit. Another door will open." Bills happen though, you know?
 |
| OK -the clinic is actually not bad, BUT this made me laugh so hard I cried!!! |
"Teach nursing."
"Teach nursing."
"Have you thought about teaching nursing?"
"Hey, you should teach nursing." LOL. I understand this is a popular thought as it combines teaching and nursing, but isn't really the population I want to work with, and still involves getting a 2nd Master's degree.
I would like to point out that not ONE person I have chatted with, emailed with, whatever has said "you should go back to teaching." I find that interesting. I am not offended, just interested in the perceived respect given to nurses but not teachers. It's okay to set aside my teaching degree (which took years longer to obtain) but not my RN license. Also, many people have told me to just find a job I like somewhat better and continue NP school. I get it. Money, prestige, I mean "you got in"-etc, but I am trying mostly to be authentic to ME, which may have very little to do with money or prestige, and schools are out to make money too, so yeah, I had good enough grades to get in...so they can take my money! 😎
Here are some thoughts I have had, in no particular, sense-making order.
I left teaching after 5 years in and a bitter divorce, and decided to pursue something for me when I got back on my feet and I married an amazing man: nursing. I had always thought I wanted to be an RN or NP, but had to finish college through night school, so I became an educator instead. Now I am embarrassed and ashamed that nursing is far from everything I thought it would be, and that I actually enjoyed teaching much more. Now, I have no creative outlet (I miss that a lot, and the autonomy) and my anxiety is through the roof. I paste on a smile and do a good job-I am told I am a good nurse, but I cry in private all the time and dread going to work the past few months. I am not saying I should throw in the towel...just stating facts.
Other things I explored, journal-ed about:
Values: time with family, helping others, creativity, faith, making a difference, resilience, stability, learning, growth, adventure, appreciation of beauty and excellence
Strengths: thoughtful, intuitive, compassionate, empathetic,
independent, quick-witted, conscientious, visionary, open-minded, warm
Most meaningful moments in life: Having my two sons, standing back up after divorce knocked me on my butt, falling in love with Barrett, daily interactions with students, reassuring parents as a peds nurse
What I want from a career: freedom to make decisions and design my day, deep relationships, to work with kids-especially those who need love the most, a great schedule with time for my family, good retirement, time to travel, time to develop my other interests
In a nutshell:I am a world traveling gypsy soul, pluviophile (love that word-it means rain lover), book lover, writer, mama madly in love with her sons, loving wife, who dabbles in paint and design and loves the outdoors (but doesn't get out enough).
I came to an earth-shattering revelation the other day.
Okay, FRIENDS watchers will understand: What if my whole life I have been acting like Monica-type A, great student, driven and a bit rigid always with a plan when really, underneath it all, I am Phoebe at heart-a hippie in braids, animal lover, who wants to run barefoot through wildflowers, get dirty, and not have as much of a plan??? What if SHE is who I really am?? This wild girl who only comes out sometimes because I keep her locked away with all of the "should do", "must do", "we can't disappoint anyone" thoughts.
What if I have been completely, utterly wrong about who I am?
What if I don't want to be a shoe?
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