Starting 2021 with HOPE

 We are eleven days in to the new year. The year after...well...2020, the year that many people don't want to talk about. 2020 was a tough year, but for our family it was also a time of growth, change, love, faith, and flexibility. My heart goes out to families who indeed had it much rougher. 

I start this year with hope. I am 39 now as of 1-1-21, and ready to take on the world! Or my little piece of it that is. Last week I was lucky enough to receive my first dose of the COVID vaccine and will receive dose #2 in a few weeks. I pray it works and that everyone else has the opportunity soon. 

In 1 week I begin my LAST term of NP school!!! Wow!!! Can you believe I am writing that?? In just 15 weeks I will be done and scheduling to take board exams. I only need to amass 89 clinical hours this term though will aim for 150 or so as the experience is invaluable. I hear the course I am taking is a doozy (can't finish with an easy one can we?), but I purposely set up my academic plan to complete with just this course and clinical as I have other things to contend with...JOB HUNTING, anyone? Not only has this past year and this 28 month long degree program kicked my butt into shape in many ways, but it has also taught me the true importance of the question "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Most new NPs don't find their dream job straight out of school just like most RNs don't. You learn and you build. You fumble and you try again. You practice medicine. My dream job? Well, exactly what I want for myself doesn't even really exist-at least not anywhere around here, and it requires more time, energy and streamlining of existing positions to eventually become what I dream of. My dream job? It is tailor made just for me by me. So there may be a handful of building years in there. I used to be super impatient. I used to hate the idea of having to play the long game, but now, I relish it. Every single step, misstep, fall and victory has made me exactly who I am today and will no doubt build exactly who I am meant to be in the future. I am excited to shape the lives of my patients, to listen, to educate, and to partner with them. I am excited to find a good fit for me for now, for today, to grow and build on. I can't believe after 4+ years in pediatrics as a nurse that in about 6 months or so I will move on in a new role.

One day I dream of a family practice role where I can see all ages focusing mainly on adolescent-college age, a Pediatric Mental Health Specialist certification so I can help teens with anxiety, depression and learning disorders, but also help college aged kids with sexual health and disease prevention, contraception options and mental health. I desire a role where I bridge the gap between pediatrics and adult health, where I use integrative medicine to treat the whole person-mental, physical, social and emotional health. I dream of an office I call mine and exam rooms that are designed to feel more like hanging out at a friend's house or at home, less sterile feeling and more comfortable. I dream of a day that I have Thor trained to sit and be part of some of my appointments, as I am a firm believer in Animal Assisted Therapy so why not Animal Assisted Medicine? I have burning research questions I'd love to explore further and maybe write up one day involving this, sexual and relationship health, and adolescent mental health and overcoming obstacles to better care and communication. My goals scare me-as any good goals should-some are radical, nontraditional, gut instinct type things. 

In the last few years I have more fully embraced the feeling that I am growing into my fullest self. I will probably always be the "kind of girl you can bring home", the hard worker, the 'A' student...but I am also embracing my own core values which means I have my own ideas about what medicine does well and what it continues to get wrong, my own visions for what I can make given support, education, and time. I have my own nontraditional beliefs and when given the chance am happy to expound on my passions and plans-happy to be a little outspoken, assertive and ready to challenge the norm. I am excited to start this newest adventure.

For 2021, I pray of some return to normalcy. I won't politicize here nor condone nor condemn those who have taken COVID too seriously or too lightly as the decisions people make are based on so, so many factors, but I will say I pray for isolation to end soon. I pray for kids to be in school, elderly to have loved ones visit, and for our world to re-open for travel, enjoyment, and business. I pray for those who lead us that these things can happen safely and effectively as 2020 was a very dark year for many people I know and love. I pray that 2021 brings the light.